The Best Things Cannot Be Stolen

EDIT: Because my roommate is innocent until proven guilty, I have removed his name from this post. I was given some excellent wisdom about the danger of casting blame, and what that could do to a potential court case. Thank you, Dad.

This past Monday, my roommate [redacted] returned while I was at work.

He brought a few friends with him.

He picked up some of his possessions, and grabbed a few of mine while he was at it.

Five guns.
A brand-new guitar.
A friend's gun.

As I sifted through my ransacked room that was left in their wake, I discovered other things missing. Ten PMAG ammunition magazines. Blankets. An Atlanta Braves hat autographed by my cousin Brandon Beachy. My cologne...?

KVFD Pancake Breakfast

Each year, the firetrucks in Kalona are all parked outside, tables are set up inside the station, and  visitors donate some dollars to the Fire Department in order to eat tasty pancakes. The trucks were freshly waxed and polished in order to allow 900 squealing children (myself included) to lay their grubby, syrup-coated fingers all over them. Does every fire department do this? They should. It is a wonderful event that the entire community comes out to enjoy together.

It has been years since I've gone to the Kalona Volunteer Fire Department Annual Pancake Breakfast (heretofore referenced as "KVFDAPB" or "Pancaaaaaakes!")

Amish Imposters

Once upon a time, my friend Brooks coordinated a trip to an Iowa Tennis match and encouraged us to dress like Amishmen.

So we did.

Left to right: Vernon, Marvin, Cecil and Glen

Extracurricular Activities

Seven days.

It has been seven days since my return from South Carolina.

It has been seven days since I've had running water in my home.

While I was gone in South Carolina, my water lines froze. I initially thought it was due to the house getting too cold, but we found out that it was more likely that the supply line froze under the driveway. We have attempted several different run-around methods of supplying water to my trailer, one including a 130-foot hose spanned from the water pit to my outside hydrant, but the bitterly cold temperature started freezing the water in the hose. My roommate Nate and I have been carrying buckets of water into the house for toilet use, but the dishes and laundry are piling up. Fortunately, this next week's forecast is calling for delicious above-freezing temperatures, so hopefully things will thaw out and I'll again be able to take showers at my own place. Funny how we get so used to something and in an instant, it all changes. So many things are affected by a lack of running water. I think the moral of the story is "Don't procrastinate on cleaning and washing and scrubbing because that luxury might be taken away without a moment's notice." I cooked some food the other day and went to wash my hands out of sheer instinct, until I realized that the simple act of washing hands would require a 50-yard trek through the snow to get a bucket of water. "50 yards, carrying a 5-gallon bucket full of water! Might as well be a triathalon! Eh, I'll just wipe my hands on my pants. That'll do for now."

Gluten Tolerant

Have you read my previous posts, "Prayer and Fasting" and "Signing Out (For a bit)"? Because they lead directly into this one. I'm far too lazy to rewrite back story, so if you find yourself lost or confused, you can refer back to those for explanation.

There's no better way to start this post but by saying thanks.

Thanks to my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. He has been exceedingly patient with me.

Thanks to my Graber family, church family, and friends for praying on my behalf.

Thanks to many dear souls in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina that helped guide me to the Court Room in Heaven.

How did I end up there?

Well. I'm glad you asked.

Our group of 13 men and 16 women spent the first full day (Sunday) getting to know each other and spending some time worshiping. A large Tupperware bowl was placed on the table and we all deposited our cellphones into it. I'm not sure what we ended up calling that bowl, but there was a vague reference between it and the Super Bowl. We did some exploring of the surrounding area, spending most of our free time on the beach, which was located 100 yards from our building.


This photo was taken from the balcony attached to my bedroom. Each night I was lulled to sleep by the metronome of waves ebbing and flowing. I'm intentionally building up an enviable picture of this place, when in reality most days were too cold to do much but venture out for a quick walk or play some frisbee.

Signing Out (for a bit)

I'm currently in South Carolina, listening to the Atlantic crash majestically a hundred yards from my bedroom window. 

Doyle, Kermit, Shelby and I drove 20 hours and arrived at the Discipleship Retreat in Myrtle Beach this afternoon. Tomorrow we will start with the lessons, fellowship, prayer, and meditation at the unholy hour of 6am. Also tomorrow, Steve Stutzman will be collecting our phones and we'll go the rest of the week without electronic distraction. 

Please pray that God's will is done this week. Pray for our group of 29 students, as well as the staff. We desire to draw closer to God while equipping ourselves for His service. 

Pray for mental, emotional, and physical healing. Last year at this retreat, a young man was miraculously healed of a food disorder similar (but far worse) than mine. 

Keep us and the staff in your thoughts this week. We are headed toward serious battle with the Enemy. We're all more excited than we should be about that prospect, but we have every expectation that God will meet us here. 

See you next week!

Potty Ponderings

EDIT: Oh my. Time sneaks out the second-story window when I'm not looking. I wrote the draft for this blog about a year and a half ago and neglected to finish it until now.

I was about to write a quick comment on Emily Smucker's blog post but my comment started to get out of hand so I changed it into a post. (Other humans have that problem too, right?) If you haven't read her post about a strange bathroom encounter, you probably should right now. Seeing how she sends a large quantity of traffic to my blog, odds are you're coming from there and have already read it. 

Upon finally finding the bathroom, Emily discovered toilet paper with little cartoon characters printed on the the sheets. I've heard of toilet paper with Osama Bin Laden's face embossed on it, because evidently that is the highest dishonor we could think to bestow on that (now deceased) terrorist leader. Now they're placing cartoon characters on toilet paper? Questionable.

 

Some of the Terrorist TP rolls are emblazoned with catchy phrases like, 

"If he wants to attack, he can start with my crack!"

Have you ever played the game "Things"? It has a jillion little cards that have questions/phrases on them. Upon your turn, you read one of the cards. Everyone else anonymously writes a response. The goal is to determine who wrote which response. For instance, we recently played when the card "Things you wish were invented but don't exist." popped up. Some of the various responses were "Teleporter", "Healthy junk food", "a Freezer-wave" (the opposite of a Microwave), and "prehensile tails for humans." That last one was written by my roommate Shane.

I was playing with a group of friends when a card read "Things that Annoy You about Men". The responses were hilarious and fairly alarming. How have men survived extinction so long when 92% of our mannerisms bother and/or annoy women? One female friend wrote, "They pee everywhere." This is true. Guys are not encumbered with the necessity of finding clean facilities when there are perfectly acceptable trees to use. When I say trees, I also mean bushes, back yards, ravines, prairies, creeks, and any large expanse of wilderness. When I start to think about it, I realize what a nasty habit it is. So I try not to think about it and instead retort that "girls are just jealous." Although that's illogical, because girls are never jealous of things that guys do, right?

My little niece Jocelyn is making excellent progress in her potty training, although I feel sorry for her. Getting the convenience of Pampers taken away slowly is probably equivalent to having all of your remotes and thermostats removed from your house. Imagine having to actually walk all the way to the TV to turn it on, or all the way to the furnace to start it. Walking ALL THE WAY to the bathroom seems so....2013. This is the future, for goodness sakes! Why can't Pamper technology keep up?

Imagine how much time we could save if we all wore Pampers?

Conversely, imagine how smelly the world would be.

I changed my mind. Stop imagining. There are some things that are better off unimaginable.