Saturday, April 13, 2013

Prank Texts

Some of my friends think it's hilarious to send me anonymous texts. Granted, it's a crafty ploy because I'm terribly curious by nature and almost always respond to the anonymous texter. One friend in particular does it more often than others, so I usually end up blaming him when I get a text from an unidentified number. His primary tactic was to use the display phones at U.S Cellular to send me texts and confuse me utterly. Lately he's discovered an app that allows smartphone users to choose an entirely random phone number to send prank texts from.

The other day, I received several messages from different numbers, so in order to keep them straight, I labeled them Mystery1 and Mystery2. Following are the transcripts of those conversations; spelling, capitalization, and punctuation preserved. (texts starting with a (`) symbol were mysteriously removed from my phone so I recreated them to the best of my memory, but they may not be word-for-word.)

Mystery1: Are you trying to tell me something

Shawn: I'm not sure. Who am I speaking to?

Mystery1: Thats for me to know and you to find out

Shawn: Well then how can i know if i'm trying to tell you something? Although I've narrowed your identity by 50%. You must be a female. :)

Mystery1: If you say so. I'll bow to ur wisdom

At this point I realized this person sounded a lot like my manfriend, Christian. He likes to say "bow to your wisdom" a lot.

Mystery1: (two hours later) Ignoring me? Thats that very gentlemanly

Mystery1: Not very*

Shawn: Forgive me. What would you like to talk about?

Mystery1: Hmm, where you from?

Shawn: Since we both have a 319 area code, you already know that i live in the coolest state of the US.

Mystery1: Oversight by me. Epic fail.

Yep, definitely Christian. He stopped sending texts from that number.



In the same day I started receiving texts from a different number, so I naturally deduced that Christian was just being REALLY creative with his free time.  But this texter had a different attitude.

Mystery2: Hello sexy buns ;)


Mystery2: (The next morning) Yolo?

Mystery2: Honey buns

Shawn: Nothing like getting complimented to start the day out right. :)

Mystery2: Shawn, right?

Shawn: Yes, ma'am/sir.

Mystery2: Ma'am. At least to the best of my knowledge

Shawn: That's a relief. I wasnt sure how to take favorable comments about my posterior from a man.

Mystery2: That actually wasnt a compliment. I want some honey buns. Could you bring me one lol

Shawn: Haha, that makes sense. Anything else you'd like while I'm at the grocery store/gas station?

Mystery2: Could you also grab plan b? Just wanna be safe after last night ;)

Waaaaaaaait. My friends don't talk like this.

Mystery2: Dont worry, I'm kidding. I'm already on the pill so we're safe

Shawn: But i thought we both wanted heaps and heaps of babies...

Mystery2: Umm. Don't remember saying that. And I don't wanna get pregnant while in college

Shawn: Well then I suppose the most logical solution is for you to drop out of college. :)

Mystery2: I really hope you're joking cause they wikk not f'ing happen.

Mystery2: *that will*

I'm entirely bewildered at this point. I had been joking along with this texter but now I'm afraid this is more than just a prank, this is a wrong number. So I tried one last time to show that I was just innocently joking.

Shawn: I'm sorry, Gwendalyn, but this is the end. I need a woman willing to stay home with my potential 20 children.

Mystery2: Wtf. Whatever. Go %&#@ yourself. Hope you get herpes next time.

Shawn: Easy now. Whats this all about?

Mystery2: What the $&^% you think its about? If you wanted it to just be the other night, dont give me your number.

`Shawn: I've only been conversational because I don't know who you are. I havent given out my number to anyone.

Mystery2: Oh $#!&. Please say your the shawn from tuesday at the fieldhouse?

`Shawn: Nope. Sorry, but I haven't been to the field house in years.

Mystery2: Umm. Sorry. I'll be leaving you alone. So sorry

`Shawn: Wait, so there's some dude running around with my name and number, taking advantage of women?

Mystery2: Umm. He actually didn't give me the number. I just knew his name was shawn and apparently got the wrong number. So sorry again

`Shawn: Well, I'll be praying your day goes better!


I'm really grateful that God has spared me from premarital sex. Despite being innocent of all wrongdoing, the whole ordeal left me shaken up. So when I started getting texts from another strange number, I was about to pitch my phone through the nearest window.


Mystery3: Hello shawn :)

Seven long, uncomfortable, toss-my-phone-through-the-window-debating minutes pass. 

Mystery3: This is christian. I figured out how the prank people on fiver. There is an app that gives you a new number.

Mystery3: they* prank

Shawn: Dude. How many numbers can you have thru the app?

Mystery3: I think one per account.

Shawn: It wasnt you posing as a psycho one-night-stand skank yesterday, was it?

Mystery3: Haha. Sorry not on my end.

`Shawn: Your area code isn't from around here. What state did you choose?

`Mystery3: I shouldnt tell you so I can keep using this number to prank you. haha its an area code in South Carolina.



I was relieved that I knew the identity of Mystery1 and Mystery3, but I won't let Christian off easy for giving me a semi-heart attack. If you've got some free time, send an anonymous text to 252-848-5172. (This is Christian's alternate prank phone number. Make sure it's put to good use!)

In other events, the young man that took my video games last year bought me a new video game system and gave it to me Thursday. I totally didn't expect it and was really blessed by the gesture, but it came at a point in my life where I've decided to get rid of video games. I'll be posting the system and games up for sale on Craigslist shortly.

We've been hit with loads of rain lately, as well as threats of snow. I didn't see any snow but the water nearly came up into the yard again. I fretted about my Sequoia seedlings, to which my roommate Shane replied, "Well maybe that's why Giant Sequoias don't grow in Iowa. Naturally, anyway."

Clever man.

Grow, seedlings.

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