Blog Constipation

HOW AM I EVEN GOING TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING LATELY? There's just too much.

The title of this post is the short-'n-sweet summary of "Sometimes I Forget to Blog for a While and then All my Ideas Come Piling out like some kind of Freakish Blog Constipation." Because of this, you will be forewarned that this post will be link-and-picture heavy.

Our place got flooded, again. This time it was far, far worse. Those giant wooden spools that laughed at the previous flood were completely carried away by this flood, which, by the way, trumped the Great Flood of '93 in almost every aspect. I suppose that means nothing to those of you that weren't living in Johnson/Washington/Iowa county in 1993, but it's a pretty big deal. The waters came up so high, they took away my front step. Not the entire set of stairs, just the bottom landing that was practically a fancy pallet. The water levels got about 12" up the skirting on my trailer before finally peaking and then receding. Before receding though, our driveway was two feet underwater, and the LP tank was nearly carried away, had it not been for the incredible foresight of my landlord/father, who lashed that errant Petroleum Pig to a tree with a stout chain.

Our pets, vehicles, and valuable items left in harm's way were spared, thanks to the hard work of many people, including my roommate Victor, my parents, Shane's parents, and others.

My poor little saplings were underwater for a few days, but I have confidence that they'll survive. The flood uprooted two of them (Kermit and Hugo), but I quickly replanted them in a cinder block full of potting soil, so hopefully they'll thrive as well. Does submerging a tree stunt its growth? Hopefully not. 

 In this image, you can see the gas line Dad put in place above-ground to keep our place warm. The conduit coming out of the ground marks where the tank was originally.

 Hugo and Kermit, sunning themselves. In the background, you can see a member of Shane's newest endeavors: chicken farming.

 I feel pretty proud of my saplings, since the majority of them stayed firmly in the ground, which is more than can be said for this particular tree.









I didn't get any photos of the flood itself because I was in Ohio when it happened. The only crazy weather that we experienced there was a balmy 80 degrees on Thursday, immediately followed by THIS on Friday morning:

It would seem that Ohio suffers from the same Schizophrenic weather that plagues Iowa. The green lawn and I were entirely confused by the sudden appearance of snow.










The Take Back Your Life conference in Ohio was splendid. I learned many, many things, identified some spiritual root issues that were affecting my life, and enjoyed some much-needed days and nights with Jesus. The sessions were like spiritual fire hydrants. Biblical truth was blasted at us for 10 hours a day for 4 days, but it was incredibly refreshing.
 

I went out to Ohio with my roommate Shane and his ladyfriend Alaynna (who, by the way, totally didn't let me know that she was planning to date my roommate when I was writing this). We had a wonderful road trip out there, and I was glad they let me tag along.

At the conference was my excellent manfriend Doyle. He had contacted me and strongly urged me to consider going to the conference. Doyle's advice is always sound, so I agreed to go.

During the 4-day conference, I stayed with Doyle at his relative's place, which was truly beautiful. I'm glad I've got an awesome family, otherwise I'd be tempted to sign myself up for adoption into the Byler family.









Matthew showed up completely unexpectedly at the conference, immediately after I sighed and said "It woulda been great if Matthew could have come..." He had a sneaky grin on his face, like he had been plotting to surprise me all along.

I had just hung out with Matthew at Doyle's in Minnesota, but they're both such nice chaps, it wasn't a burden to spend time with them again. :)

The conference almost became a SMBI class reunion, because my good friend Tanisha was there (since her parents founded the Door of Hope ministry, she's at every conference). Only a few key members were missing, but it was probably good they weren't all there. Otherwise we would have roused too much rabble. 

I got to spend some quality time with my roommate Shane's cousin, Kermit. I didn't know about Kermit when I was naming my sequoias, but his personality fits the tree so well, it's uncanny.

This is a rare photo of Kermit without his cowboy boots and cowboy hat.

Kermit has a knife holster in one of his cowboy boots. HOW COOL IS THAT.









Even though the conference was wondrous, I was glad to get back home and see what the flood had done in our absence. When we got home, there was a large-sized pond in our yard again but the driveways were above-water. Dad had hooked the gas up, so we enjoyed two things we thought we'd be without: a working furnace and hot water.


A whole pile of other things have been happening lately. Here's some of what's been happening:

My brother Shane turned 17 on March 28. Happy birthday, brother! Quit getting older.

My brother Shaylon turned 11 on April 18. Happy birthday to you too, young man!


True to my word, I put my recently-acquired video game system up for sale on Craigslist. I completely quit video games cold turkey on April 13th, due to convictions about how I spend my free time. I truly thought I'd go into some sort of withdrawal, but God has kept me busy and I haven't regretted the decision. The video games haven't sold yet, even though I've been given some particularly interesting trade offers:
(1) a riding lawn-mower, provided I throw in "some cash" for the difference in value
(2) a different video game system
(3) a 20-gauge shotgun. (I asked if the young man would sweeten the deal with a little cash, but he backed out entirely.)

Is it okay to pray that these video games get sold? I don't want someone else to get mired down with a time-waster, but I could certainly use some funds right now. Remember how I looked at a text message and slid into a snow bank? Well, that little blunder has racked up expenses WELL PAST $1,100 so far. Blaugh.

What is the longest you've waited for something to arrive? Something that you paid money for? It always seems to take forever for packages to arrive, but this one actually took a really long time. I ordered a gun kit from a company online, and they finally sent me one, albeit the wrong color, after I diligently waited for 8 months. While I was waiting on the kit, I sent in the gun's bolt to get reworked. See, the kit was for an ancient bolt-action gun I possess.

The gun on top is my friend Nate's Mosin Nagant. The gun on the bottom is my Mosin Nagant, placed inside a fancy-pants kit.

I couldn't fire the gun without a bolt, so I borrowed Nate's bolt. You can see it sticking out of my gun (Ladies, it's the shiny knob near the back of the gun).












Well I waited and waited and waited for my bolt to get "bent", (that is, altered to fit the kit better) so after a month I sent an email to the bolt bender. He replied, "I'm behind 3 months, which I mentioned to you already." I looked back at our previous conversations, and sure enough, he had told me.

So I waited three months and a week, and asked him for an update. He replied that Hurricane Sandy had delayed things and it would take him another month. After THAT month, he complained about having the flu for 20 days and being super busy at work. Here's where I realized that bolt restructuring was his hobby, not his job. Ugh.

Six months and two weeks after I sent him the bolt, it arrived back at my place.

It looks magnificent.

I've been doing a lot of mudding on my 4-wheeler, which definitely makes up for the inconvenience of having my yard flooded. Other people were out mudding too, but I'm not sure they tried it on purpose.

I was chatting on the phone with my sister Shelley while I was surveying this vehicle. While I was gawking, I was sucked into a mini-quicksand mudhole that came near to the top of my boots. I let out a holler that worried Shelley, and rightly so. I could have been stuck fast like this SUV, which sat neglected for a week while the roads dried up.

Heh, those kids that think All-Wheel Drive makes them invincible.

My faithful steed. I had to walk the last 100 yards to the SUV buried in the mud because I feared I would sink the 4-wheeler to the headlight in flood mud.

There's nothing wrong with my pants. Why would you even think that? Stop looking at them.

Shane and I were just recently informed (by way of Iowa Public Radio) that women are attracted to men speaking in a monotone. Neither Shane and I believe that, but in the spirit of fairness, I'm gonna give it a try. If, in the course of speaking like a dead fish, anyone becomes irresistibly attracted to me, I'll inform them that they fell for my incredibly boring voice.

 I found a baby garter snake. I don't think I've ever seen a baby snake before. I let him live, because a) I really like snakes and b) he/she will eat bugs around my place, and I appreciate that.

There was this one time an Amish man visited our shop and tied his buggy to our Dumpster, but that was a while ago.

I asked a Wal-Mart employee where I could find gerbil food. He pointed and said, "You can find it over by that picture of a man and a toilet."

It's a woman and a washing machine, but what did I expect from a Wal-Mart employee?

One of my friends similarly decided to sell his video games. When they didn't sell, he ran his Xbox through a log splitter TWICE, just to make sure he didn't get tempted to play it. I admire you, Quinten.









Well, that should do it for now. In the future, I'll do my best to keep from piling up ideas until they burst out in an entirely chaotic fashion.